Seriously, the first time I saw Aliens was the very first time I felt that rush of adrenaline that made me want to kick someone's ass and put them out the airlock. And when Ripley shows up in the loader to save Newt from the alien queen, didn't you tear up a little bit when she said that line?
"Get away from her, you bitch!"
(Sniff... so beautiful! So eloquent!)
My son is nearly 12 and the husband and I are introducing him to great movies in the hope that he doesn't grow up liking movies like Step Up 3 or any Katherine Heigl vehicles. We're movie snobs. So, we started him off with The Matrix. He loved it. Walked around the house for days, telling me there was no spoon and that the matrix had me. The he saw Predator. He quotes it constantly. He particularly likes to make me shake hands with him, while he flexes and says, in a prepubescent Austrian accent, " Dillon! What's the matter? They got you pushing too many pencils?" He also yells, "Get to the choppa!" whenever we get in the car. When you consider the fact that my son is built with the imposing physique of a noodle, you'll be amazed that I keep a straight face.
Last night we had him pick between Aliens and Pitch Black. He picked Aliens. Because I love him and wanted to terrify him, I made sure we sat on the couch in the basement that backs up to my 6 ft tall basement windows. That are always spooky as hell, but especially at night. They enhance that "something is behind me" feeling.
He loved Aliens, but there was a great deal of:
"Is something going to burst out of someone chest again? Don't mess with me."
"What was that?! Something touched the back of my head."
"Seriously, Mom, just tell me if the aliens exist. Are you sure?"
And he fist pumped when Ripley kicked the queens' bug ass. Love the boy child!
He went to bed fine, of course, with his bedroom, bathroom and closet lights on. Holding my cricket bat. After thoroughly checking his nightstand to make sure all 700 of his knives were there, just in case. And then...
I "sleep" with my husband and 3 random sized dogs. So I am used to floating up out of REM sleep and realizing that someone is on top of me. Depending on my mood, and who it is, I either relax and go back to sleep or deliver a sharp kick. But as I fluttered my eyes, I felt this bony skeletal weight all over me and something brushing my face.
"OMG," I thought to myself. "I am being attacked by an alien parasite! I knew these sons of bitches existed! Something is going to burst out of my chest! These fucking dogs are useless!"
I then realized 2 things: Alien parasites do not wear pajamas. Neither do they have braces. Trying to flip his dead weight off of me, I frantically whispered, "Henry! Henry! Why are you all over me? Get off!"
He said, " No, Mom, I can't. I have to lay on you so the alien can't burst out of my chest."
Worst night of sleep ever. I mostly lay awake, planning on setting up a video camera pointed at my bed, like in Paranormal Activity. Maybe if the husband realizes that between him, the dogs, and the kids, I NEVER ACTUALLY SLEEP FOR MORE THAN 20 MINUTES IN A ROW. Maybe then he would finally give me the soundproof bedroom with the deadbolt on the door that I have been asking for. But, of course, it's my own fault because I tried to educate my boy child about iconic action movies. But he rebounded today. After his prolonged morning visit to the can, he showed me some things he found in his ThinkGeek catalog.
"Look, Mom! You can buy a stuffed alien parasite to wear on your face! Or a t-shirt that looks like an alien is bursting out of your chest! Can I have one for Halloween next year? Please?"
This boy child of mine is just filled with potential. Hmmm. Do you think it's too soon for Paranormal Activity? And should I be more worried about the knife drawer?
~dana
