All time favorite? That's easy. Late night at Wal-Mart. We are on a diaper run. There is a man in front of us in line. He removes the following items from his cart and places them on the belt.
-4-pack of 60 watt light bulbs
-Latex gloves- 1 box, size large
-1 black bar stool
We were speechless with horror. Obviously.
Also, we find that any normal item becomes horrifying when coupled with Vasoline. Plastic spoon? Normal. Plastic spoons and Vasoline? Freak. Kitty litter and cat treats? Normal. Kitty litter, cat treats and Vasoline? Sick motherfucker. Actually, there is nothing that chases people away faster than a poorly placed tub of half-used Vasoline. Winston used to complain that he couldn't get his work done because people were coming in and out of his office all damn day and interrupting him. I suggested putting a half-used tub of Vasoline in plain sight on his desk, and maybe even going so far as to idly play catch with it when people came by. His response was not the gleeful "thank you" that I imagined. It was more along the lines of "what the hell is wrong with you are you trying to get me fired." Every party has a pooper.
But today I found a new favorite. Marc's express (ha ha ha) line, 12 items or less, cash only. I am buying razors and oatmeal. (Which could be a contender, I suddenly realize... hmmmm.) 2 women are in front of me. The first woman is paying for her one fucking loaf of bread with a check, while the other woman stands sighing dramatically. (Which is what you must do if the sign clearly states cash only. ) When it is finally her turn, she sets these items on the counter. I nearly dropped my phone in my hurry to get a picture. I did drop the oatmeal.
 |
| Seems counter intuitive. |
Yes, folks that's Borden's plastic cheese and generic laxatives. That's all she bought. Which brings us to some talking points:
1. Does she not understand the nature of constipation?
2. Does she plan to be constipated, after eating all of the cheese in one go? Is this intestinal forethought?
3. Is she worried the generic laxative will be like a raging locomotive, so she plans to counter the effect with little bites of cheese?
4. Is this the first time she has bought these items together? Her casual "sighing" says otherwise. There is a history, I think, to the cheese lax.
~dana
Note: I will be on the road for the next week, visiting my bro and alien spotting in upstate New York with the kids. Posts might be sporadic, but you can follow my twitter feed if you want to find out who gets pink eye.
