Me: That's it! See? Right there? That's what I want for Mother's Day! Yay!
Winston: What are you talking about? A weed encrusted dock? I think this place is abandoned.
Me: No, it's not. Look there's a bathroom.
Anne: You can't make me go in there.
Me: It's like it was waiting for me. Go buy it. Don't be difficult.
Winston: BUY WHAT?
Me: My boat.
Winston: What boat? All these boats are sitting in the grass! It looks like a junkyard. I think it is a junkyard.
Me: That boat. It's the boat of my dreams. I have always wanted that boat.
Me: It's perfect. I love it. I will be so cute on it. Happy Mother's Day to me!
Anne: I love it! Let's name it "The Victoria."
Me: Ohh! Yes! Or: "The Polish Princess!"
Anne: Yes!
Henry: Why are we not at Scooter Dawgs? I thought you wanted 2 Scooter Dawgs for Mother's Day. When are we going to eat? Why are we staring at trash? Again.
Winston: A derelict 60's houseboat is your dream? That thing isn't even seaworthy.
Me: It doesn't have to be seaworthy, Winston. We live on a lake. Lake's are freshwater. Duh.
Winston: There are giant holes all over the keel! It'll sink right to the bottom! I bet that thing hasn't seen water since 1967.
Me: So it needs some work. I bet you can get it cheap and fix it up.
Winston: We are not buying a old, broken boat. You don't even like being on the water.
Me: We are buying the boat or I am pulling the "look at the stretch marks from your progeny" card! And? I don't really want to sail it. I just want to sit on it and play. We can just dock it somewhere. Problem solved.
Winston: With those holes, the only place you could dock it is in the backyard. The neighbors will love that. A big rusty wreck perched on a shitty dry dock in our garden. Classy.
Me: No! That's genius! We'll just park it in the backyard! I love you! You're so smart!
Winston: Hmmm... we could. Then we could say to everybody, "We're boat people now!"
Me: Ohhh... we could say, "We spend every weekend on our boat." That would shut up all those snobs who can't believe we won't join the Clifton Beach Club. Yeah, like I want to join a beach club on fucking Lake Erie.
Winston: We could say, "No, we have it docked right by the house. It's walking distance, actually." You know what else? We could get a kiddie pool and put it next to it. So when we get too hot on the boat, we can cool off. This is starting to sound like a great idea. I could put a grill on the back!
Me: I generate good ideas. It's my special purpose. Oooh! Oooh! We could put Christmas lights on it! And instead of keeping it on a shitty rusted dry dock, we could dig out the ground, like 8 feet deep and nestle my new boat into the ground, so it looks better! I'll call you "Commodore." Like, "I'm not sure what time the barbeque is. I have to check with the Commodore."
Winston: It would be cool. All fixed up. Well, let's go. This place gives me the creeps. It's like a Scooby-Doo ghost town.
Henry: Are we going to Scooter Dawgs any time soon? Like, today?
Anne: Can I have a sleepover on our boat? I love our boat.
Me: Write down the number so you can call and buy it. Just have them deliver it. But lowball them. I think $500 is fair.
Winston: Yeah. I'll get right on that. And there is no phone number! There's no one here! It's a field next to a creek!
Me: I really hate you. I feel like all you do is sit around and not buy me a boat. It was going to be so wonderful.
~dana
